start at the beginnin'
INTERVAL
THE WOMAN:(lighting the stage lamps)
Ah my good wasters! Welcome back!-I say!,
I’m glad to see so many have returned.
It’s been too long, I promise you today,
The invitation torches shall be burned,
It’s been four weeks, four hard weeks I confess
It’s been four weeks with no garbagerie,
For some of you it probbly felt like less,
I tell you it felt twice as long for me.
But now at last the long wait’s at an end
And soon we’ll open as we did before.
The ceremony shall take place my friends,
For now it has transpired…: I’ll say no more.
THE WOMAN:
ORGANIC! …Come out here at once! At once do you hear me!...Father!
FATHER !! get up this is an emergency! ORGANIC ! NOW!
THE YOUNG MAN:
(
enters) Hello?
THE WOMAN:
So there you are! Well? Are you going to deny it?
(
pause)
Are you going to deny that you’ve been feeding that girl for the
past three weeks!
You have haven’t you!
THE YOUNG MAN:
Well she didn’t have any of her<
THE WOMAN:
You have, haven’t you? You’ve been feeding her! Betrayed under my
own roof!
THE YOUNG MAN:
Well I couldn’t let her just starve, I mean<
THE WOMAN:
Why couldn’t you? Do you know what this means?
It means the food her Father brought to us,
the food that was the whole point of the deal,
has ended up in her mouth! It means we…!
we might as well, have no bargain at all
And we’ve been shelt-ring that slut for nothing!
(
old man comes in)
THE YOUNG MAN:
Don’t call her that. She’s<
THE OLD MAN:
What’s all this shouting about?
THE WOMAN:
Well I’m glad to see that you’re out of bed at last. You must
dress immediately.
THE OLD MAN:
Now wait a minute what’s all this about?<
THE WOMAN:
You thought you’d leave the boy in charge of store.
He left them open- I just had a look.
And just as well I did, that’s all I’ll say!
Our food supplies are now dangerously low,
How did that happen? -you may ask!- Well now,
The boy’s been feeding her these past three weeks!
That deal you struck to make a gigolo
of your own grandson, what deal that was,
that great deal has left us out of pocket!
We’re out of pocket! Food is low, and we…
we have to have a new garbagerie
and that’s a fact, so please no arguments.
(
he lights another stage lamp)
THE OLD MAN:
What is she saying son?- can this be true?
THE YOUNG MAN:
It’s not her fault, Her father gave her none.
She came to us completely unprepared,
But that must be her Fathers fault not hers,
She didn’t even know about the deal.
THE OLD MAN:
But I left you in charge of all the food.
You should have told us something about this.
THE YOUNG MAN:
But then you would have just sent her away.
THE WOMAN:
Of course I would have, what do you think
we’re running here? some sort of<
THE OLD MAN:
You say we must hold garbagerie ?
THE WOMAN:
Well it’s either that or opening your Grandson’s wedding present.
One loaf, one tin, some grain, that’s all we have,
Garbageries been closed for four whole weeks,
may I remind you, that was your idea
And as we did not open up at all,
We never got the bread we’re due in fines!
THE OLD MAN:
But I still don’t think it’s right, if people don’t have enough
for themselves.
The fact is, times are tough for everyone
It isn’t right to keep dragging them here<
THE WOMAN:
Dragging them here? are you out of your mind?
Do you not see the crowd waiting out there?
Hardly any have left since we’ve been closed!
See how they all wait silently and stare.
(
they look out at the audience long enough
to make them uncomfortable)
THE OLD MAN:
A crowd?
THE WOMAN:
A large crowd. They need us
and we need them so please no more snotsense and let’s start
immediately, this will be a long day!
Organic!- go prepare the masks and robes!
(
as he’s going to do that ,THE WOMAN shouts after him)
If that whore is gone to eat our food,
She might as well be useful, while she’s here.
You Tell her to come out to me at once!
(
Before he can call her, TOTALIA arrives and curtsies,
THE YOUNG MAN prepares the masks and robes,)
There you are girl, believe me when I say,
That I will find out what’s been going on,
and why you brought no food with you, but first,
the small matter of keeping ourselves fed.
Okay girl, light the candles and then go up onto the roof and
burn the invitation flame.
(
Totalia lights the candles and leaves; a strong source of flame
provides light through the rose window), THE YOUNG MAN, THE WOMAN
and THE OLD MAN don their ceremonials, The Garbagerie music
begins, everything appears exactly as it does in the beginning.
Organic re-occupies his seat. The three sit and look all
magisterial.)
(
the gong sounds):
THE WOMAN:
Garbagerie is now in session here.
(
a gong sounds and WASTERS enter : First is THE BIG WASTER and THE
BIG WASTERS GIRL, he bows (only slightly) to THE OLD MAN, THE
WOMAN and then THE YOUNG MAN)
THE WOMAN:
Come here I want you…waster that you are.
(
he bows stiffly before The Woman a second time)
THE WOMAN:
You are a waster, tell me, what are you?
THE BIG WASTER:
I am a waster.
THE WOMAN:
You come here to the garbagerie, Why?
THE BIG WASTER:
I brought an Item for disposal here.
THE WOMAN:
Pray tell us what it is that you have brought?
THE BIG WASTER:
I brought my daughter.like what was agreed.
THE WOMAN:
What another one?
My God, Your audacity knows no bounds!
At first you trick us into bed and board,
that we PROVIDE your one unworthy child,
and now you come to us with a second!
I do believe you mean to turn this Garbagerie into a brothel.
I don’t know what you think you’re playing at.
First you come here -with this outrageous deal,
That you renage on;-as regards the food.
And not content with making us all starve,
You break the law by having more than one,
As if one hungry girl was not enough.
THE BIG WASTER:
I have only one>
THE WOMAN:
Is it not enough that the Reese-pon-Sybil have saved what there is
of the world so that you and your kind can continue to consume and
to waste and to overpopulate?
Surely that is sufficient?
But no, you would have us provide for your children as well!
You came to us with the bounty of ‘your good harvest’.
Why shouldn’t you have good harvests when you swindle and cheat
everyone around you! Well my wealthy man, your swindling’s at an
end, two children is an ultimate crime, we shall have no option
but to fine you everything you own. You shall be a pauper.
THE BIG WASTER:
I have only one<
THE WOMAN:
You have only one thing to say? Well believe me we don’t want to
hear it! A man with two children is breaking the law…
THE BIG WASTER:
I have only the one daughter madame.
(
pause)
The law says I am just allowed one child
I say I have only the one daughter.
and this is she, beside me here today.
We had a deal: you made a deal with me.
We had a deal from near a month ago.
You dint have no garbagerie since then.
You kept the doors locked here these past four weeks.
So tell me, tell me-what’s it gun to be?
You gonna take her or give it all back?
I know that you’re the Reese-pon-Sybil ones,
and I’m only a wasterman but still,
I nerry see how that gives you the right,
My fam’ly may have been Dell workers, true,
But that don’t make it right, a deal’s a deal.
My daughter came but you sent her away,
THE WOMAN:
But What<
THE BIG WASTER:
Now what I want to know is: will you keep
the deal that we made here a month ago?
that Dog fur Coat’s a vestment what I made,
That coat was good and warm and pretty too.
It wasn’t worn, not one time, and fishnets,
Created them with my own hands, I did.
She’s sposed to get a Reese-pon-Sybil child.
Now I know, that you coulda told me ‘no’.
But you nerry said ‘no’ you told me ‘yes’
You coulda told me ‘no’ right there and then,
And all the stuff I brought you coulda kept
and tole me ‘Get lost!’ I know protocol,
But no, you never said ‘Get lost’ did you?
His honour there, he gave you the okay,
‘We axe-ept your disposal’s’ what you said,
Well I say that- That makes the deal a deal,
But what you said you’d do -you never done.
THE WOMAN:
This is your daughter here with you today?
THE BIG WASTER:
I think I done already tole you that.
THE WOMAN:
And you have only one young girl you say.
THE BIG WASTER:
A second one id be against the law.
THE WOMAN:
But what on earth then…
If she…
But my good Waster if this is indeed the case you are quite right
to feel some anger,
I can assure you that we had…
perhaps we could suspend garbagerie…
You see there seems to have been a terrible mistake and I’m<
THE BIG WASTER:
With all respect Madame I’d rather keep
Our dealin’ out here,- in the open like,
same as before, just same as the last time.
I’ne not sane I’ne distrustful either no,
I just don’t understand what’s happ’nin’ here,
I’ne sane I’d like to keep things as they was.
THE WOMAN:
But this is a most delicate matter,
unprecedented I assure you sir,
The protocols are not in place to deal
with negotiations of this nature.
THE BIG WASTER:
I made the deal here, after all, so you,
You stand there like before an’ say it out.
What’s fair is fair, I think I’m owed that much.
you tell me why it is you broke the deal.
THE WOMAN:
Very Well. Well the facts can only be that the place of your
daughter has been taken by an imposter.
A dif’rent girl, who stole from us AND you.
Yes! I recall the morning this girl came,
She came here early, and retired before,
I‘d ask’d her any questions, then when I.
I saw your daughter outside here, I thought,
“This cannot be the girl we take today,
For that girl is already here with us,”
I closed the door, and sent her on her way.
So this is why there’s bin a crowd outside!
Organic! go and bring the slut at once,
This man deserves an explanation now.
THE YOUNG MAN:
Don’t call her that name don’t, call her that name,
If a mistake was made, the fault is mine,
I thought she really was your daughter, Sir,
I still don’t understand, but I am sure
this has been an unfortunate mistake.
THE WOMAN:
‘Don’t call her names’, I shouldn’t call her names?
Why shouldn’t I?-You tell me son, Why not!
If she is not a harlot and a thief,
Then you just tell me who she is, and why,
she has been living with us for a month.
Go fetch her now at once and let her make,
An explanation for her presence here.
THE OLD MAN:
No boy, you stay here, better I do this,
THE BIG WASTER:
Please Madam, do I understand you straight?
Another girl came here and took the place,
That we’d arranged for my girl, is that right?
THE WOMAN:
I’m not in full possession of the facts,
But yes, I fear that that might be the case.
THE BIG WASTER:
If this true then p’r’aps I might just know,
Exactly who this imposter might be.
THE WOMAN:
If that is true, then Waster, please speak up,
For I cannot guess her identity,
I thought she was your daughter this whole time.
I never questioned what else she might be.
THE BIG WASTER:
I’m not sure I should say, for if I’m wrong,
It’s a bad name to call an innocent.
THE WOMAN:
What’s a bad name? please tell us what you know,
Please, any information is of use,
THE BIG WASTER:
Well I’ne not sane I know nothin’ for sure,
It’s just there was this beggar roundabouts,
The usual line: ‘Ine starving an I’m old’
‘I lost me daughter an I gots no food’
and ‘Wont somebody help me’ blah-blah-blah.
But I was up to all his clever tricks,
I recognised him from my last time here,
He was the one, the ‘Total Waster’ one,
What broke the total ban an came in here,
He’d plenty then, he’d Tins of food an all,
Them Total Wasters just pretend to starve,
Total starvation? Ha! with tins of food?
We beat him and run him to the caves.
But still he kep’ sane always the same thing,
‘Has any of you seen my daughter here?
I want to find my girl an’ just go home’.
Well me, -I paid no tension at the time.
‘Cause Total Wasters lie like breathing air,
But now I’ne thinking, what sort of a girl,
would try to come an’ live with you for free,
And ruin my deal an’ be so selfish, who?
If not another Total Waster, who?
So what I’ne sane is maybe it’s like this:
This one says his daughter’s run away.
an’ here you’ve got a girl who no-one owns,
So then It’s Total Wasters did this trick!
They must of had it planned from all along.
THE WOMAN:
But Trick’d by Total Wasters can this be?
What nightmare has descended on my house.
I swear by all in this Garbagerie,
If this is true…. it simply cannot be.
A Total Waster! A total Waster! A TOTAL HERE!
THE YOUNG MAN:
Mother, calm down one minute, breath some air,
Remember to respect the dignity,
and protocol of this Garbagerie.
I don’t believe that anyone’s been trick’d,
Though clearly there has been a real mistake.
THE WOMAN
(
TOTALIA and THE OLD MAN enter)
Father, take your position, here at once.
(
to THE YOUNG MAN)Very well, I will observe the protocol.
Come here I want you…waster that you are.
(
TOTALIA, confused, bows)
You are a total waster, what are you?
TOTALIA:
I am a total waster. That is true.
THE WOMAN:
So you have the nerve now to admit it!
TOTALIA:
I never said I was anything else.
I’m sorry I don’t understand your point,
THE WOMAN:
My point?- My point is this, you horrid girl,
We’ve found you out! your scheme is at an end,
we know that you’re not who you claim to be,
You’re not the Daughter of this gentleman,
You tricked us into giving bed and board,
You came here under False pretences and,
Despite the fact you come from Total scum,
You shamelessly slept here,- in my sons bed!
A crime so great that I cannot begin,
to think of how to punish you for it!
TOTALIA:
But what on earth is this? No this is wrong.
My family are total Wasters, Yes.
I come from advertising agents and
Oil Company executives it’s true.
But I never denied my fam’lys shame.
THE WOMAN:
You didn’t? then -can you at least explain
Just how a total waster’s living here!
TOTALIA:
I’m here because of what was organised,
With my own father when he came to you.
Four weeks ago, it was my birthday and,
My Father gave me Dog food in a tin.
And deeveedee to have as a dowry,
But knowing these are both against the law,
I made him bring my birthday presents here,
Because he’s total, he was shouted at,
and told to bring a fine of Twelve new loaves.
Because we had no loaves, I came myself,
to see if I could work for you instead.
And Then your son explained to me the deal
that I would live here with you for a month.
And though it seemed outrageous to me then,
I felt I should still keep my father’s word,
If that was what he had arranged with you.
I did it, out of duty, not of choice,
and That, believe me, is the honest truth.
YOUNG MAN:
It’s my fault then, this whole thing, it’s my fault.
I am the one who made the big mistake,
Look, this Girl here is not the one to blame,
This whole thing is my fault, from start to end.
THE WOMAN:
Of Course it’s not! It’s lies!- from start to end!
(
Shouting) A total Waster walks among us here!
Mark her bad blood, and mark her scheming eyes!
(
To Waster)We’ve done you a disservice, we’re to blame.
We should have shown more vigilance it seems,
I solemnly declare this girl will be
beaten to the caves where her Father starves.
TOTALIA:
My father? What? What did you say?
THE WOMAN:
Total!-Silence!
We offer you again, apologies,
You daughter will live with us,- as proposed,
We’ll keep the deal to which we have agreed.
Though, right now, we are limited on food.
THE BIG WASTER:
That wont be no problem, I will provide.
THE YOUNG MAN:
I’m sorry, no!- I can’t consent to this!
THE WOMAN:
As I recall, you managed once before.
THE YOUNG MAN:
That was before , and things are diff’rent now.
I’m sorry bout this deal, I really am,
But I can’t simply lie down with this girl,
The fact is I have now fallen in love.
THE WOMAN:
You’ll stop being ridiculous at once!
THE YOUNG MAN:
You say her Father’s living in the caves?
I’ll go to him and ask for his consent,
If she will have me, she will be my wife,
And there is nothing you can say or do.
TOTALIA:
Organic!
THE WOMAN:
You’ll stop being ridiculous I said!
Lucky for you, you lack authority,
And we all have our orders to obey,
have you forgotten?- I’m your mother, Boy!
And therefore more Reese-pon-Sybil than you,
With great Reese-pon-Sybil-itty comes power,
so You are over-ruled and may not wed.
This girl is to be punished for her crime,
And sent away where she can sin no more,
That is all.
THE OLD MAN:
No that is not all, not by a long shot.
THE WOMAN:
Look father please don’t interfere in this,
You have the most authority, it’s true
But I’m his Mother, I made this fam’ly,
I cannot let him throw away his life
on nothing but a total waster theif.
THE OLD MAN:
I do not have the most Authority,
THE WOMAN:
Of course you do, and I respect you but<
THE OLD MAN:
I do not have the most Authority,
THE WOMAN:
You’re really too soft-hearted Father dear,
I know you are a most compassionate man,
But this crime must be punished, that is all.
THE OLD MAN:
I do not have the most Authority!
In fact, I’ve no Authority at all!
(
removes his mask)
I tell you I am not Responsible!
and I have never been Responsible!
THE WOMAN:
Father, what are you saying, are you mad?
THE OLD MAN:
I’m saying that I lived on food in tins!
I’m saying I bought plastic all the time!
and frozen food, I’m sane I drove a car!
(
THE WOMAN swoons into arms of BIG WASTER)
I bought some new clothes every single week,
and put perfectly good things in the bin!
I watch’d The Telly, DVD and ads,
glorious ads!
I left my heating on for days on end,
wasted electric, AND I wasted gas,
Environment? I didn’t give a damn!
petrol? use it up! there’s always more!
Microwaves, The Hot Tap, clean bed-sheets!
And colours and sounds and speed and loud noise,
Oh once upon a time the world was good!
THE WOMAN:
Father, you miss bee-four-time, that is clear,
As all the people from that time still do,
And though consumer society stank,
and was not ‘C.V.-lies ay-shun’ at all,
You yearn back for the time when you were young,
Of course you do, Of course you do, you do.
And yes, perhaps it’s true, you made mistakes,
And were not always careful in your life,
But you showed more Reese-pon-syble-itty,
More Than the common wasters ever did
You were an eco-waryour , after all.
And that is why you are in charge today.
THE OLD MAN:
An eco-warrior? Don’t make me laugh!
Do you know what your ‘eco-war-yurs’ were?
Lazy over-educated tramps!
Do you think I would want to spend my time
with spoilt middle-class hippies wearing beans,
spending their parents’s money all the while,
and looking down their pierced noses at me?
I didn’t have the time or energy,
You want to know what I did in those days?
To pay my rent and keep my cable paid,
Well now at last I’ll tell you I SOLD CARS!
(
gasps from everyone present, THE WOMAN almost faints)
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